In which I attempt to watch every film in The Criterion Collection and end up watching a lot that aren't. Click here for the rating system.


National Treasure

"One man's treasure is another girl's trash."

Wow, so Nicolas Cage all grown up and picking dumb movies to act in. What happened to those daring, hairy carefree days of Raising Arizona and Moonstruck? Why did Nick shave his back and reshape his nose? I for one liked his gruff little bumbler look. I thought that was kinda hot, truth be told, but now. Now...

It's just no good.

He plays an unconvincing treasure hunter in modern day USA. He's followed around by an equally unconvincing nerdtron side-kick played by Justin Bartha. (At one point his character, Riley, says, "You're big and green and have a funny goatee" and hugs a priceless, ancient statue. And for me that pretty much sums up this movie.)

There's also a crappy, half-assed love story thrown under the wheels of this Disney monstrosity. Some hot blonde (Abigail Chase) with "an accent" gets carried away in the heist (literally) and (sort of) falls for Nic Cage. Although I could have just as easily believed her falling for Justin Bartha or Jon Voight. Hell, nothing wrong with Sean Bean, come to think of it. Except maybe his judgement in choosing this movie.

All around sucky movie.

Favorite moment: going to the bathroom during a chase scene and not missing much.


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