k_sra's amazing film review!

300

2008-06-10T12:47:00.002-05:00

"A film for Everyone!" ▲

OK, so this really isn't a film for everyone... but it has elements that would appeal to a broad range of viewers: blood, glory, half-naked men, Gerard Butler, graphic novel stylizing, half-naked women, more half-naked men, gore, fantastic battle sequences, monsters, men in drag, dead people nailed to trees, a half-naked Gerard Butler... did I forget anything? Oh, and all the half-naked people are incredibly muscular and/or hot.

Sex scenes seemed to drone on a bit long (excluding the rape scene), but otherwise, the pacing is taut, like Gerard Butler's abs. Fantastic film timing on the fight sequences. The director alternates fast and slow speeds on the most intense parts of battle, adding a "screenshot" effect that could have been plastered down in graphic novel form and sold as a refurbished comic book.

Apparently based on an actual historic event, the Battle of Thermopylae of 480 BC, director Zack Snyder takes us on an odyssey with our protagonists into the gaping maw of death... so to speak. Intense, enjoyable.

Favorite moments: color-saturated imagery, battle sequences, comraderie, Gerard Butler.

Raising Helen

2007-02-16T15:31:00.001-05:00

Parents dead? That's OK. They've willed you to the "Fun Aunt!"

Chanced upon this video at the library. Thought, "Can't kill me" so I got it. Goldie Hawn Part 2 plays a likeable single high-powered executive assistant NYer girl. (A popular choice in RomCom's) Her sister dies leaving behind three children whom she leaves to the heroine rather than her uptight, prissy, pregnant sister Jenny (played a little predictably by Joan Cusack [not her fault, she's a lovely woman and a talented actress]). So she takes the kids and moves into Queens and enrolls them in a private Lutheran School, run by (wait for it) a sexy, single Pastor named Dan (played a little flatly by John Corbett of My Big Fat Greek Wedding fame [totally his own fault. If ever anyone was phoning it in, it was Corbett]). The 'sexy' (he wasn't that sexy, he looked like a dead cow rolled up on the beach) pastor 'falls' immediately for her charming NYer girl ways and rather lamely pursues her and the kids.

Meanwhile, Goldie Hawn, Part 2 is losing her high-powered executive assistant job because her Anna Wintour look-alike boss (played rather briefly by Helen Mirren [not her fault, the script gave her nothing but wardrobing to work with]) wants her life-blood at the office.

Eventually, the kids and their pets and stuffed animals and poor choice of boyfriend get everyone in a hubbub and Jenny (the older, stiff sister) is called in to save the day, which she does. Goldie Hawn II then feels like a failure and rejects the children and her hot and holy minister friend. But learns that she needs people to feel like people or something like that. And everyone is happy in the end.

Best moments: Numa the neighbor takes a bat to the kids' illicit teen party, a bloated John Corbett stands in the center of a skating rink during a touching montage where he's just "played" an interfaith game of hockey, except that you realize the man can't skate at all and so he has to stand there and try to look sexy and bloated while Goldie's Girl skates lovingly around him. HA!

Henry Fool

2006-12-07T10:31:00.000-05:00

"Socrates you ain't" ▼

It won a Cannes Film Festival Award for Best Screenplay. And I pretty much hated the whole movie. *sigh* If that constitutes the best this world has to offer in terms of dialogue, I'm ready to move on.

Poorly acted, badly edited, and eerily impotent in its attempted reach. It tried so hard to be something it wasn't: a good film. Reminded me of my high school trying to put on "serious works" like Pinter or Albee. Come to think of it, it pretty much was Albee. It was like watching a long, self-involved play performed by amateurs (note: I do not for a moment discredit the talent of the actors, but I roundly disliked the direction they were given and the words they had to say.)

Sorry, Hal.

Favorite Moments: (Come on, there has to be one...) Henry Fool's son was the best part of this movie. Wished he'd been the lead...

Dog Day Afternoon

2006-07-31T18:54:00.000-05:00

Made in 1975, Dog Day Afternoon chronicles the adventures of two men attempting to rob a bank. Because it is summer and it is hot, the movie is named Dog Day Afternoon.

I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm in a funk, because despite the fact that I've been watching on average four films a week, I can't seem to find the enthusiasm I need to want to review them. I mean, who cares? A film made in 1975 about a gay guy who robs a bank so his male wife can have a sex change operation while his female wife screams at him over the phone and his accomplice goes kinda psycho and wants to kill everybody? So what?

I feel kind of gypped watching this movie in 2006, when in 1975 gay lovers are risque, nobody ever thought of asking for an airplane before and to see people glistening with sweat on screen was the height of realism. Nowadays that mush is lame, cliched, redundant. So I'm cheated from the experiential shock the first viewers had of this movie. I don't know what the hell they mean when they are all shouting "Attica!" because that is ancient history. So is anger at the police. Been there, done that, so tired of talking about it. Don't get me wrong, it was a good movie. At parts it was even a great movie (I mean where else can you see Prince Humperdink acting like a little girl?), but I'm not gonna go on and on about it.

There, I've said my bit. If you like a depressing movie every now and again. See it. G'ahead. I don't care.

Favorite bits: Jumping to reach the cameras, Mouth, "What country you wanna go to?" "I've always wanted to go to Wyoming."

Under The Tuscan Sun

2006-07-06T13:51:00.001-05:00

"Remember that time when you got divorced and accidentally visited Italy when your lesbian best friend sent you on a "Gay and Away" Tour and you bought a house on a whim and stayed there for years and years with no money on a tourist visa, but still living in fabulous wealth, having a fling with a married Italian guy and then finding a great American wanderer to heal your heart all while cooking great food and learning Polish? Yeah. That was awesome!"▲
Favorite Moments: The storm, the lady in the black hat, Italian men.

A Woman Under The Influence

2006-06-20T12:02:00.002-05:00

"I love you, but you're crazy."

Want a meaty movie? Here's a film you can sink your teeth into. The great grandaddy of New Wave Cinema (and here you thought it started in France!) released this classic in 1974 with a startlingly brilliant cast of Gena Rowlands and Peter Falk.

John Cassavetes couldn't get a distributor for this film. He hauled it around New York under his arm trying to get cinemas to show it. It wasn't until a fan of his, hot new director Martin Scorcese, threatened to pull his own film "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore" from a film festival if they didn't show Cassavetes piece.

Reviews on this film are mixed. Some critics feel it is too over the top and yet poorly constructed. Others think it is ahead of its time for cinematic realism. The actors themselves look back with astonishment at the work they did for Cassavetes usually without so much as one run through and often before they even realized the camera was rolling.

On a gut level I understand this movie. It's a love story of a man whose ability to express himself to his wife is challenged by her inability to understand herself. The two are in a fight to show their love and the world around them spins dizzily along for the ride.

This film was a new experience for me. It reminds me of other films but none of them American. In fact I was shocked when the characters started speaking in English. It wears the face of a foreign new wave film, but is in fact a predecessor. Good to watch and subtly intriguing. Worth watching and thinking about.

Favorite moments: Gena Rowlands rocks it out as a crazy lady, kids trying to cope with father, final scene "going to bed."

Butterfly Effect

2006-06-20T10:22:00.000-05:00

"I'm a butterfly in time! And I'm frying my brain!" ▲

I think I know why this movie didn't do as well as the creators had hoped: it wasn't complete. The idea of the story was substantial but the presentation was spotty. The plot was missing too many important screws, so to speak, in order to keep it together. I applaud Ashton Kutcher's move away from fart comedies to do this dramatic role. I think it suits him. But I wasn't buying the whole "I'm so in love with this girl I've known since I was seven and I have to go back in time and save her" bit.

You know what? Honestly, I enjoyed this movie. Sure there were glaring flaws in the plot construction, sure I wasn't buying Amy Smart as a hooker, but still, somewhere behind its garbled identity crisis exterior of horror-meets-love story, it was kind of entertaining. Even sweet, in a mildly pleasing way without the usual sugar-rush that comes with it.

Like Chinese food, this movie goes down easy, but will leave you a little hungry. Enjoy with a coke and a couple of chili dogs.

Favorite Moments: The walls shaking and blasting into the past, evil Tommy becoming a cleancut goody-two-shoes.

Alfie

2006-05-22T15:40:00.002-05:00

"New York Snob Story" ▼ №¢

A black screen opens with a Shaft-esque chorus of women's voices in the background singing, "Alfie, Alfie, what's it all about?"

Enter Jude Law who rambles on for half an hour about what men really want from women as he dresses himself in the morning, donning a suit and knotted scarf (from which, apparently he never recovered) and as he spritzes a little cologne on "big ben" he looks at the camera and says, "You never know where the day will lead." He continues on in this aggravating, superior manner about how he keeps all his fillies dancing on a string yet remains distant and unattached. Etc, etc. About how he moved to New York because all the hottest women are there. About how he dresses rich and lives poor because he never takes women home anyways. And on. And on. And on.

Four hours later, a plot attempts to crawl out from under this ragged heap of solipsistic soliloquy, but is crushed in its infancy and dies an ignominious death.

Alfie ditches women, Alfie cheats on "girlfriend" (Marisa Tomei, underused but still adorable in this role), Alfie cheats on best friend with his girlfriend and gets her pregnant, Alfie falls for an older woman who then dumps him and breaks his heart (whatever is left of it) yadda yadda. Alfie has a psycho girlfriend...

...and here we must pause in this listless retelling, because here for a moment life imitates art. Do you all know the tabloid-frenzied tale of Jude Law's tryst with Sienna Miller after which wifey leaves him and says, "Better luck, Hon" as the dust flies out from under her retreating SUV tires and then shortly thereafter, Jude Law does the nanny in a scandalous about-face from which Sienna apparently never recovers? (I mean, after all, when he cheats on his wife to be with you, why would he cheat on you, right?) Well, that is essentially what happens here. Quite rightly I watched with horrored fascination as Jude and Sienna recreate a tragic psychotic love on screen. And I'm thumbing through my back-issues of US weekly, saying, "wait a minute, I remember reading all of this." But here's the fun part, in the film's story, Alfie has a moment of awareness. He has an epiphany: maybe it's not ok to just use people. Maybe it is important to have someone to love and to treat them well so they can love you. And roll credits.

And get this, the pretentious New Yorkers (oxymoron) who created this film did us all proud by running black and white "art" photos of themselves along with their name. Gag me with a frickin' Manhattan spoon, people. Is there a law somewhere that states, "If I live in New York, I must suffer under the delusion that New York and only New York is the epicenter of all that is glamorous, good, and unholy?" Because quite honestly, other than British dentists, I've never met so undeservedly self-centered a race of people as New York filmmakers.

favorite moments: Jude Law is a He-Ho.

The Island

2006-05-20T13:37:00.001-05:00

"Attack of the Clones." ▼

Ewan McGregor is the new Charlton Heston in this apocolyptic vision of America (set in 2019? Come on, people, give us a little more time than that to self-destruct!). Scarlett Johansson wears too much lip gloss and has been bleached a fairly unattractive shade of britney blonde.

They are best friends who escape their holding facility of clone organ donors to the real world where they save the other clones, expose the fraud and become lovers.

Soylent green is ... peeeeeeeple!

Right. I got bored toward the end when Sean Bean was trying to kill Ewan McGregor (the clone) after Sean Bean realizes that Ewan McGregor the clone is not Ewan McGregor the "real mccoy." And they're fighting and they're shooting and they're biting and scratching and the whole place is coming down around their ears and I've already tuned out because it was too damn long and I'm watching it on fast-forward. The end.

Favorite moments: Steve Buscemi! Djimon Hounsou's parting look, the futuristic MACK truck was a very sweet looking machine.

Seabiscuit

2006-05-19T21:15:00.001-05:00

"Horsey runs the coursey."

Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, hey, Sarah, how come you write these film reviews on movies that the whole entire rest of the world has already watched? And I will answer you by saying this, "I write about these films that get nominated to high heaven for awards and are overwatched so that you, my beloved reader, can know how I feel about them." And that is the entire reason. I know you all watched Seabiscuit. You did, didn't you? You probably went with one of your drinking buddies and his girlfriend, or your Aunt Marge, or some of you, heaven forbid, went alone. But most of you went with your step-brother and your Dad whom you haven't seen in, like, three months.

This is a well-watched American main-stream movie about a horse with heart. A story of a horse and his whiney voiced, watery-eyed, puke-faced jockey who makes you wanna curl up and die every time he comes on the screen. Haha. Just kidding. He isn't puke-faced. But I never got the Toby mystique. Am I missing it? Am I supposed to be crooning over him, his looks, his talent? Cuz he seems like the same little shrimp-weasel who inhabits every part with the face of a slaughtered lamb and the passion of a high-school drama star.

Hehe. No, really, he was great. Just great. Loved him.

But seriously, Jeff Bridges was wonderful, wasn't he? I mean this is no Big Lebowski, but something about Jeff Bridges inspires confidence in even this anti-hollywood-film watcher's heart. He's so darn big and cuddly. And he looks very nice in that hat.

And because I cannot avoid the whole "real historical" basis of this film, I present you with a lovely glimpse of fiction versus history.

Watch this movie if you need something long and put together well enough to make you want to finish it. Otherwise, don't watch it. It's just Tobey McGuire with a dye job.

Favorite moments: Uhm. Wow. Don't really have 'em. It was an enjoyable film, but the only thing that stood out to me was Red's horrible leg-crushing accident where he lies in a gruesomely rendered heap at front of camera. Oops, hope I didn't wreck it for the two of you out there who haven't watched it.

Ju-On

2006-05-19T12:37:00.002-05:00

"Grudge Me."

If your definition of cultured living is watching the foreign original from whence American horror movies derive, then have I got a show for you!

So, here is the approximate conversation I had with myself in my head at the library as I picked up this movie:

Huh, this is a horror movie. Only it's in Japanese. OH! It's the Grudge. Or rather the original version that the US then copied, because we apparently don't have to invent anything new anymore.

It's a horror movie. I don't watch horror movies.

But it's in Japanese. And you already have a bunch of fluff films [editor's note: including I, robot {see below}, Seabiscuit {see above} and Million Dollar Baby] so you could use some culture.

But it's a horror movie.

You can handle it.

But it's a horror movie.

So I got it.

I watched it on fast-forward with subtitles. And I was still creeped out.

This low-budget, but precisely spine-tingling little film makes perfect use of: suburban house, white face makeup and eerie musical score. And really that's all you need. Am I right? I can't really give you a scare rating on this film because 1) I don't watch a lot of horror movies and 2) I watched it on fast-forward with subtitles.

If you've seen the remake, then you haven't seen The Grudge. Watch Ju-On and prepare to be creeped out. Because what, I ask you, could be scarier than Japanese dead people taking your soul? Right? Am I right? I mean, you see what those crazy Japs do with Kabuki! Psycho people!

Favorite moments: Rika's new haircut. It looked really good on her.

I, Robot

2006-05-18T18:09:00.001-05:00

"Robo vs. Cop"

This movie is described (by the DVD cover) as a "mind-blowing, sci-fi action thriller." Wow. Mind-blowing, huh? Geez, I gotta watch that.. oh, wait, I just did. And lemme check my mind. Nope, it doesn't feel blown. In fact it doesn't even feel lightly breezed. I am, per usual, dissapointed.

However, I did enjoy seeing Will Smith partially and completely naked. That boy has been working out! Nice pecs, my man!

You want a synopsis of this movie? No you don't. It's exactly what you think it is. The ending is a weak "ta-da" of a surprise that makes no difference to anyone and left me thinking, 'Farmer Hoggett died for this?

Favorite moments: The USR trucks and Will naked.

National Treasure

2005-07-26T09:10:00.001-05:00

"One man's treasure is another girl's trash." ▼

Wow, so Nicolas Cage all grown up and picking dumb movies to act in. What happened to those daring, hairy carefree days of Raising Arizona and Moonstruck? Why did Nick shave his back and reshape his nose? I for one liked his gruff little bumbler look. I thought that was kinda hot, truth be told, but now. Now...

It's just no good.

He plays an unconvincing treasure hunter in modern day USA. He's followed around by an equally unconvincing nerdtron side-kick played by Justin Bartha. (At one point his character, Riley, says, "You're big and green and have a funny goatee" and hugs a priceless, ancient statue. And for me that pretty much sums up this movie.)

There's also a crappy, half-assed love story thrown under the wheels of this Disney monstrosity. Some hot blonde (Abigail Chase) with "an accent" gets carried away in the heist (literally) and (sort of) falls for Nic Cage. Although I could have just as easily believed her falling for Justin Bartha or Jon Voight. Hell, nothing wrong with Sean Bean, come to think of it. Except maybe his judgement in choosing this movie.

All around sucky movie.

Favorite moment: going to the bathroom during a chase scene and not missing much.

Murderous Maids

2005-07-25T13:45:00.001-05:00

"Death by hired help." ▲

Forgive me if I spend a few moments telling you about a French film that deserves to be mentioned if only because it prompted me to get back into the film fury after a hiatus of unusual social busyness.

Two sisters (who are also lovers) brutally murder their mistresses in their home. The husband and police break in to find the two dead women strewn across two floors and the sisters huddled upstairs in their attic room. How French can you get?

Only it's a true story. The infamous Papin sisters destroyed the very women who they worked for in a gruesome attack that has few parallels in history. So, you're thinking, 'That's gross. I don't want to watch that.' And quite frankly I won't blame you for thinking that. I suspect that is the very reason this film is not well known in the US. It's too gruesome. But it is still an outstanding piece of film work. The sisters, played by Sylvie Testud (phenomenal) and Julie-Marie Parmentier could not be more in touch with their trapped and alienated characters. A brilliant film, really.

Not for the faint of heart.

Favorite moments: Testud, Testud, Testud.

The Chronicles of Riddick

2005-05-11T07:58:00.001-05:00

"More like Riddick-ule!" ▼

I know I told you I would write reviews of the "fine wines" of the film world and that you all wouldn't know half the time what movies I was talking about, but right now I'd like to - no I'd love to - dissect a well-known summer action flick which came out a year ago, didn't do all that well (voted eighth for most disappointing box office turn-out) and that I watched just for the hell of it last night: The Chronicles of Riddick. HA! Just saying the title is funny!

Apparently, this film is a sequel to Pitch-Black, a film I didn't watch and have no intention of watching. A film in which our anti-hero (sort of), Riddick does some wild and crazy stuff. (I'm too lazy to go read a synopsis of the first film. It doesn't really matter. Please, let's move on.) But in this one, we are to receive a great treat! Vin Diesel and Dame Judi Dench appear in the same film! HAHAHAHA!! Hilarious! Even Dame Judi in flowing white robes and neato see-through effects can't improve the real estate on this one though.

The bad guy is played by the same actor who is standing on this giant Canadian piano: Colm Feore. He's just called the Lord Marshall and he's a holy calf-head. I mean, holy half-dead. Which means, apparently that he can move really fast and he can pull people's souls out of them. The way (poor) Dame Judi introduces him in the opening voice-over is, "half living, half... something else." And then she goes on to say that the only way to fight evil this evil is with another sort of evil. Which we're supposed to assume is Riddick, but he isn't really evil at all during the whole film. In fact he's not evil at all. Occasionally selfish, but he always brings himself around to help others. Any ways, the bad guy is called the "Lord Marshall" of this cult army called - get this - The Necromongers. (Pauses to burst into laughter.) Because they collect half-dead people or turn them into half-deads for their cause. They talk a lot about faith and religion, but the basic tenets of their religion are left unclear. Mostly, they just take over countries by force and then "convert" or kill its inhabitants. Not very original, but whatever.

So anyways, these necromongers (sort of like Matrix batteries) all used to be something else: humans mostly, I think. And they all had to be strung up and poked in the neck to be made necromongers (pronounced mungers) and we're all sure that is a terrible thing although they mostly keep their personality and such. They just have a change of wardrobing and makeup. For example look at Riddick's girlfriend Kyra: before and after. If anything she looks better as a necromonger.

It was the names that cracked me up the most: There were a series of planets marked for destruction called Helion Prime 1-5, Dame Judi was called Aereon and she was an "Elemental" which meant she could kind of ghost around at will, Riddick's girlfriend was being held on a max security detention planet too hot to walk on called "Crematoria." (Pauses again to laugh uncontrollably) When the necromongers chased Riddick to Cremetoria they were all wearing their full-body metal armor. How stupid do you have to be to walk out on a planet with a 700 degree farenheit sunrise in a full-metal suit of armor? I don't know, but Lord Vaako, Lord Marshall's head army dude didn't seem to mind too much. But the Purifier for the necromongers, before he commited suicide by walking into the Cremetoria sun did take off his metal finger tips. And he also confided in Riddick that he, like Riddick, was once a Furyan. Yes, folks, you heard it right. Furyans. A race of people who were the only ones who could stop the terrible necromonger invasion. And of course, Vin Diesel was the only one left which meant the saving of the universe was up to him and of course he managed.

Whoo! Good times. A very funny movie. I hope you never have to watch it... till Underverse comes.

General Idi Amin Dada

2004-10-26T15:30:00.000-05:00

"Who's Your Dada, Uganda?" ▲

Here's a film that speaks volumes without saying a word... All the words are said by Idi Amin Dada himself, dictator of Uganda and murderer of thousands of his own people (at one point the director recalls the electricity going down because too many bodies were being dumped at night into the Nile and the crocodiles couldn't keep up). Barbet Schroeder pretty much lets the camera run on the man himself only adding commentary in crucial moments. Like when explaining that the man we see on camera being berated by Dada will be dead two weeks after the film is shot.

Good stuff. A close look at a meglomaniac and an interesting look at the history of Uganda.

Favorite Moments: Swim race, crocodiles, "completely."

Love On The Run

2004-09-20T15:16:00.000-05:00

"Antoine Doinel Settles Down... We Think." ▲

François Truffaut did an amazing thing, a daring thing, and an as of yet unprecedented or repeated thing. He filmed the same actor playing the same character over a period of seventeen years. Love On The Run is the fifth and final film in the Antoine Doinel series, catching up with Jean-Pierre Leaud as a thirty year old fresh from divorce and trying to make sense of his love life.
There is something eerily evocative about watching this entire journey unfold on film before our eyes, starting with a tough, but sensitive misfit 13 year old in The 400 Blows. Then follows him in to and out of the army, and then into and out of marriage.

The final film contains segments of earlier films to illuminate the back story for those un brave enough to watch them all. However, I wouldn't recommend missing out on 400 blows or on Stolen Kisses (numbers 1 and 3 in the series). Both are excellent films in their own right and worth watching for the eery effect that watching a kid grow up on film can have on your psyche.

Favorite Moments: The denoument.

The Last Samurai

2004-09-08T10:01:00.000-05:00

"I forgot how short he is."

So, I don't know much background on this recent release (notice I say recent even though the DVD's been out for a couple months or so. To me this is brand spankin new.

Tom Cruise, of all people plays the disillusioned soldier who becomes the "last Samurai." He very sweetly falls in love with the widow of a man he killed and wins over her sons' affection. I admit a couple tears were jerked. It was long, like they were trying to make a foreign film. I don't remember much else. I was eating a pickle in a bag at the time. I remember the pickle more than I remember the film. I liked it but I probably won't watch it again.

And in the end... do you think he died or went home or married the girl?

Fave Moment: Hugging the boy.

Catch Me if You Can

2004-08-11T09:46:00.000-05:00

"Taming of the weasel." ▲

At the risk of seeming snobbish, I don't really care that much about current Hollywood releases. Even this one. I willingly admit this was a fine feature film, but feature films nowadays don't do much for me. They're predictable, emotionally flat and usually lacking in any subtlety. I think of SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER's as the little cheesecake squares you get before or after a meal. I nice treat to cleanse the palate.

In this film, Leonardo finds a father in Tom Hanks through the premise of cops and robbers.

Maybe what bugs me so much is the plastic, shiny seamlessness of a major Hollywood production. Everything has to be Disney perfect. The latest in film technology (with filters to achieve antiquing effects), the cleanest editing so that you are never pulled out of the story, Oscar worthy costume details, flawless hair and makeup and on and on. It's like watching barbies.

Maybe I have become spoiled. Maybe the rougher cuts and rawer emotion of Ingmar Begman's depressing films have finally sunk into my psyche and I begin to realize what it is I haven't seen all my life: Life. Hollywood is dead. Boring. Predictable. It's Money in the Bank. Dull as soap.

Favorite Moments: The phone calls, the girl's dilemma.

8½

2004-07-26T17:05:00.000-05:00

"You knew it had to happen..." ▲ ♪

This film has found its way onto the shelves of every filmmaker wannabe that ever existed on the planet. In fact, the existence of this film on someone's shelf is a strong indicator that they aspire to film greatness or at least did at one time. I don't yet own this film, but I am sorry to say that someday I probably will, because it is the talisman that filmmakers carry with them. It is the patron saint of filmmaking, it is the lucky charm of cinematography, the Gospel of Film according to saint Fellini. And we are all believers.

In actual fact it is just a film about making films, or about being a filmmaker or rather about being Frederico Fellini. Or rather it is a celebration of the complexity of life and film and the joy we get from this maddening art.

Favorite moments: Floating like a kite, Wagner, fantasies, screening room.

Black Orpheus

2004-07-19T10:29:00.000-05:00

"Beware the man in black spandex!" ▲

This film contains some of my favorite visual moments ever. Based on the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, Marcel Camus sets his lovers in the whirlwind of Carnival in Rio de Janeiro and then tears them apart. Breno Mello plays the angel-voiced Orpheus who struggles to hold onto his love (Marpessa Dawn) only to end up killing her himself. A cruel trick of fate or death or whoever that is in the black spandex and ugly mask.

Favorite moments: DVD menu page, the world of Carnival, hospital of papers.

The Naked Kiss

2004-07-19T10:01:00.000-05:00

"Being a prostitute is lame." ▲

This is such an odd movie that I have to recommend it to those of you out there who appreciate the finer B-movie influences of our world. This Sam Fuller classic is NOT a B-movie, but I can see where B-movies get their ambition.

The movie begins with scrawny prostitute, Kelly, beating the hell out of her drunk pimp. Adding to the distortion, she is completely bald. The opening credits roll as she uses the camera as a mirror to adjust her wig, makeup, etc. She moves to a nice suburb and becomes a decent citizen and nurse (?) at a children's hospital and even manages to get engaged to the town's most respected citizen only to discover... Am I wrecking it for you? Fine. I'll leave off.

Favorite moments: Kelly's violent streak, Kelly finds a nice little room, "Little girl! Little girl!"

The Silence

2004-07-15T10:22:00.000-05:00

"Shhhh!" ▼

[editor's note: I'm supposed to be blazing through the films I have watched, writing savvy and intellectual responses filled with interesting tidbits and divine links, but after about sixty of them, I'm flagging. People, I have at least 200 films left to go here and I'm tired. I'm sitting down by the proverbial information superhighway for a bit of a breather. Hope you don't mind. I was trying to keep the posts here abreast with my other blog, but let's face it I'm a little tired of maintaining that one as well and unless I can manage a couple reviews a day chances are this site isn't going to ever be completed. I mean this weekend alone I watched six films in rapid fire succession. I probably can't even remember the films I watched eight months ago much less offer a valid critical response. What's a girl to do? I take comfort in the fact that most of you probably haven't read all of my film reviews thus far and so can possibly delve into the directory for a closer look. Now onto the film review...]

Ingmar Bergman's third in his "religious" trilogy doesn't really broach religion, but does with masterly affect broach a lot of taboos and the theme of isolation. I hear people say, "Nothing happens in this film. It was boring." and for some people it certainly is boring and you could argue that indeed very little does happen. I can't really recommend it unless you are a fan of the slow developing arty style that is Bergman. I am convinced that for him film is a form of introspection. After watching it I got the impression that it was indeed a silent film. The voices, the sounds are all isolated from each other, never built up, even the characters are not in the same frame together most of the time. B/W 95 minutes. Released in '63.

Favorite moments: The scrawny mare, little boy in hallway, train ride.

Contempt

2004-07-09T09:58:00.000-05:00

"Brigitte Bardot in the New Wave." ▲

Contempt is heaped on main character Paul Javal, played by Michel Piccoli by his wife Bardot in this film, but if you think this is the only reason for the title, look deeper.
Jean Luc Godard's sixth film is also a criticism of American film practices. His use of soundtrack and color filters flaunt standard practice. He casts director Fritz Lang as himself and depicts his struggle as an artist against money-hungry American producer played by Jack Palance.

A helpful review I enjoyed reading.

Favorite moments: Bardot in the garden with book, Picolli's lame joke, swimming, fight in apartment, etc, etc.

Stan Brakhage

2004-07-09T09:44:00.000-05:00

"Hard to sell, but interesting to watch." ▲

Criterion has been pushing this dvd for the last few months. I think they are finding it a difficult product to move. Stan Brakhage is a visual artist (scroll down to see actual film frames). He is a filmmaker, but not in the sense that we think. His work is non-narrative (usually), highly colored and fast. Very fast. I watched several of his pieces on 1/16th speed so I could catch every frame. Mothlight is one of my especial favorites. His pieces range in length from ten minutes to nine seconds. Most of them created in his home, with his own resources and time. Most have no sound track whatsoever. An interesting guy.

WARNING: watching Brakhage requires concentration and can cause headaches from staring intently at the screen trying to decipher what is happening. I highly recommend that you experience his work at least once.

Gleaners and I

2004-06-28T08:49:00.000-05:00

"Recycle your chopsticks!" ▲

Agnès Varda made a documentary about gleaners - those who glean after the harvest, people who pick up the excess or leftovers. Her documentary moves from vineyards to urban French cities and back out to potato farms. She does her own sort of gleaning using images that other people would probably discard. She is downright charming. After watching the film I immediately went through my trash to see what I was wasting.
A fascinating look at a consumer society and poverty. I highly recommend it.
The DVD also has a "two years later" feature in which Agnes catches up with people she met during the first film and also meets some new ones.

Favorite Moments: Catching trucks, lens cap dance, Solomon, Agnes' cat, boxing dog.

The Ruling Class

2004-06-25T12:41:00.000-05:00

"Whatever it was, I didn't like it." ▼ №¢

This was the first Criterion film that I actually disliked. The couple dozen films up to this point were spectacular and my admiration for The Criterion Collection's understanding of good filmmaking knew no bounds.
But the honeymoon ended and it ended with Peter O'Toole. Which is a pity.

Sardonically irreverant bashing of English society in general from religion to homosexuality, servants to the ruling class. I didn't find it particularly funny. But maybe you will.

Favorite Moments: Hmmm. The gardens on the estate were beautiful.

Jan Svankmajer's Faust

2004-06-24T15:05:00.000-05:00

"Disturbing." ▲

Jan Svankmajer led the black theater movement of Prague during the 70's. His mind-bending films include stop-animation versions of Jabberwokky, Alice (in Wonderland), and of course, Faust.
Using claymation, stop-animation, puppetry and live action, Svankmajer whirls the hallucinagenic events of Chris Marlowe's play into a modern/period piece comedy/horror film. It's highly entertaining if weird. His toungue in cheek is just what you'd expect from a Czech.

Favorite Moments: Man carrying leg in butcher paper, rolling heads, puppet sex-change, cyclic ending.

He Died with Felafel in His Hand

2004-06-24T14:44:00.000-05:00

"Which is pretty gross actually if you think about it." ▼/▲

Aussie film, light, black comedy (which really exists, people). Scattered plot. A bunch of drop outs and druggies attempt to set up and keep house in various buildings and with various people. Relationships form and are broken, people change. It's a lot like Friends, now that I think about it, except they all have accents and swear a lot and, of course, "he" dies with felafel in his hand which I don't remember ever happening on Friends.
Based on the book, by Jon Birmingham, who apparently lived through all this crap and then had the foresight to make some money off of it.
As the film's protaganist explains, "I've lived in 49 shared households in what seems as many years. I've been ripped off, raided, threatened, burnt out, shot at, cheated on, scabbed in every one of those years. My beds are foam slabs on the floor. My cupboards are stacks of stolen milk crates. I've lived with tent-dwelling bank clerks, albino moontanners, psycho fucking drama queens, acid eaters, mushroom farmers, brothel crawlers, hard-core separatist lesbians and obscurely tiger-throated Japanese girls! I'm in a psycho-fucking nightmare from hell and I'm fucking fed up with it!"

There you go.

Favorite Moments: Burning "his" clothes and stuff. Strangely touching (and cheap) from a directorial point of view.

The Passion of Joan of Arc

2004-06-24T09:26:00.000-05:00

"The Inescapable Camera." ▲ ♪

I hope I won't spoil it by telling you that this film ends badly for Joan. Maria Falconetti, aided by the relentless camera of Carl Th. Dreyer, creates one of the most revered performances of cinema history. And the only film role she would ever play. This is the only silent film I truly love. I respect other silent films, but this one has it's own special room in my heart. A room with a kitchenette and a jacuzzi. And a balcony. That's how much I love it.
Dreyer got flack from his critics for his "overuse" of the close-up, and indeed in this film there are something like 1,000 close-ups and absolutely no establishing shots, leaving the viewer as disoriented as Joan herself. In one scene Joan's accusers press in, filmed from below in one of the hundreds of holes Dreyer dug for the camera (eventually earning himself the nickname Gruyere by his exhausted French crew). This unflagging proximity starts iconic and becomes something of a torture as we wince through everything with Joan. Her confinement is ours and by the end, we understand and admire her courage. (Coincidentally, the French were very hesitant to hire a Dane to portray the story of their most beloved iconic figure, but were vastly pleased with the result.)
The asymmetric set, (A model is on display in the Danish Film Museum) the lack of makeup, and the grueling sequential filming schedule no doubt did their part to add to Franconetti's sensitive performance as she strangely and totally embodies the nineteen year-old woman warrior. Dreyer says, "In Falconetti...I found the 'martyr's reincarnation.'" And it does seem that way. The script is taken almost verbatim from the court records of Joan's trial and execution over the course of some months (here condensed to a day or so).
Criterion's edition is loaded with extras. Worth the time to sift through it all.

Favorite Moments: Joan's statements of faith, shot editing in the torture chamber.

Les Dames du Bois de Boulogne

2004-06-23T14:00:00.000-05:00

"Hell hath no fury..." ▲

...like a French woman scorned." Or so this film would seem to be saying. Maria Casarès makes her second film appearance (after Les Enfants du Paradis which I will review shortly) as a catlike - and sometimes downright cross-eyed - woman who plots revenge on her disinterested lover, played by Paul Bernard. Jean Cocteau wrote the dialogue and it is crisp in that lyric, surprising way that only he seems to achieve. (Fortunately, no one falls through mirrors or becomes the embodiment of death in this film.)
Robert Bresson's third film shows only a few of those traits that would later earn the adjective "Bressonian." Despite this, Dames is a fine melodramatic film. I found myself applauding at the end as Agnès, the "tortured but innocent" cabaret dancer gives the ultimate performance to her tricked husband on her "deathbed." Other critics have said that she is truly dying and is completely innocent. I say she is a performer to the core and that Hélène, the jilted lover, is not the only savvy french woman in the film. Agnès is a wolf in sheepy clothing and gives a fascinating performance in order to win over her new and estranged husband, Hélène's ex-lover.

I've just given away the plot. Do forgive me.

Favorite Moments: Catface, ploy to get her lover to confess his disinterest, Agnes dancing in the apartment, deathbed scene.

Punch-Drunk Love

2004-06-22T10:24:00.000-05:00

"Why I love Punch-Drunk Love." ▲ ♪

This must be one of my favorite movies. I bought it on the recommendation of family members (whose tastes are consistently and eerily matched to my own). I watched it three times in the first evening.
P. T. Anderson, maker of such films as Magnolia and Boogie Nights, won Best Director at Cannes with this surrealistic love story starring Adam Sandler and (my favorite actress) Emily Watson. A fantastically underexplained car wreck begins the action in this visually disturbing and lucid film about one of the sweetest love affairs ever to grace the screen.
Liberal use of the artwork of Jeremy Blake and the world's best use of the song "He Needs Me" (as sung by Shelley Duvall in the film Popeye) cement the status of this film in the art world. General audiences were a little more reserved in their praise. I suppose this is understandable. For me, PTA's films are like secrets whispered in my ear. Stories that he is telling me alone. Perhaps that is why I like them so well.

Favorite Moments: Car crash, white truck, running with harmonium, Lena's arrival, etc, etc, etc.

Black Narcissus

2004-06-22T10:02:00.000-05:00

"Nun chick-fight." ▲

What could be better than sending five nuns into the Himalayas to live on the edge of a precipice? Making Deborah Kerr the head nun, that's what. Powell and Pressburger's eerie tale of a disintigrating band of female missionaries has one of my favorite film climaxes of all time. This image of a nun painting her lips brought down the wrath of the Catholic church as being too lascivious. Oh how times have changed!
Scintillating color and imagery make this an Archer bullseye.

Favorite Moments: Christmas Mass, the gardening nun, the climax.

Gertrud

2004-06-22T09:34:00.000-05:00

"Oh Gertrud, Gertrud." ▼

Staring off into space while speaking in a monotone. Draping oneself over furniture or sitting stiffly on the edge of a sofa. Intoning philosophies at a lover while he grows increasingly bored. These are the halmarks of Carl Dreyer's controversial last film.
It is art at its finest; unintelligible.
One woman's excruciatingly slow search for love brought Dreyer little fame at the time of its release and I fear little fame now. I hesitate to trounce it any further, though, because there were masterful elements that showed Dreyer knew what he was doing. Nevertheless, I do not recommend watching it unless you are doing a research paper on Dreyer. In which case, it is indispensable.
I found the interviews more interesting than the film itself.

Favorite Moments: Gertrud's evening gown, Dr. Alex, Gabriel's tears.

Le Million

2004-06-22T09:15:00.000-05:00

"La dee da!" ▼ №¢

I can't tell this film apart from this film. They are clones in my mind. And I don't suppose it helped much that I watched them back to back. Now there is probably no chance that I will ever be able to distinguish one from the other.
I think in this one there was a lottery ticket in question and it ends with everybody dancing in a big line while telling the story to some old men peering through the roof. But other than that, I don't rememebr much.
I have watched a lot of French films in the last several months. A lot. And when this one comes along and is called René Clair's comic triumph, I feel bad. Because once again, it just wasn't that funny. Laugh Out Loud is not the term I'd use for this film (or most of the films in that particular Criterion category).

Favorite Moments: I'm afraid I'll just mention something from that other film, so I'm not going to bother.

Ikiru

2004-06-22T08:22:00.000-05:00

"Means: to live." ▲ ♪

You should never feel anxious about watching an Akiru Kurosawa film. I assure you, when it comes to Kurosawa, you are in good hands. He is a master of narrative and a genius in camera work.
In Ikiru, Kurosawa explores the meaning of human existence through the life and death of a bureaucrat, beautifully played by Takashi Shimura. When he discovers he is dying of stomach cancer he also realizes he has never truly lived. He then attempts to make up for the years he has wasted.
Shimura's commitment to the role earned him a stomach ulcer during the shooting of the film. Shimura's portrayal is even more astounding when compared to next role he would play; Kambei in Seven Samurai.
Ikiru comes with a dazzling assortment of extras from Criterion.

Favorite Moments: Walking home from the doctors, talking to his son, the toy bunny, persistent requesting, the swing shot (of course).

Once Upon a Time in Mexico

2004-06-14T14:52:00.000-05:00

"Where did you get those cool t-shirts?" ▲

Johnny Depp wears a stunning assortment of witty t-shirts and plays a strangely attractive nerd in Robert Rodriguez' third film in his Mariachi trilogy. This time there's about seventy percent more gunplay, explosives and hot chicas. Bigger is better in Rodriguez' world. Not to mention that Rodriguez puts together one of the best audio commentaries I have ever heard from a director. By the end of this film, he'll have you believing you could be his best friend or at least his adopted little brother/sister.

Favorite Moments: Johnny Depp's T collection.

Walkabout

2004-06-14T14:31:00.000-05:00

"It's about walking and other things..." ▼

The doomed love story of an aboriginal boy (David Gulpilil) on his walkabout and a young girl whose father just abandoned her and her young brother in the desert before shooting himself. She tries to find their way home with the help of the aboriginal whose name we never learn. This may be the part for which Gulpilil is most famous, at least internationally.

The weirdest coming of age story ever made. I think. Although I haven't watched them all. Thankfully.

Favorite Moment: Kangaroo dance.

Kwaidan

2004-06-14T14:04:00.000-05:00

"Ghost stories." ▲

A series of four Japanese ghost stories written by American born Lafcadio Hearn of Greek-Irish descent who became a citizen of Japan in 1895. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. And I think the director of this film was smoking it, too, if you know what I mean. The sets are some of the most color-imbued, fantastical backgrounds ever to grace the celluloid. Creepy and highly visual. Probably worth seeing if you like that sort of thing.

Favorite Moments: The woman of the snow, Hoichi's singing.

Summertime

2004-06-14T13:51:00.000-05:00

"Catherine Hepburn gets hit on by a scuzzy Italian." ▼

That's it. That sums it up. In sunny Venice an aging spinster travelling alone falls for a handsome married man and the two have a conflicted little affair centering around red glass. It's atmospheric and Catherine Hepburn has never looked more breakable.

Favorite Moments: Catherine falls in the canals, the city of Venice.

Man Bites Dog

2004-06-11T09:08:00.000-05:00

"What's blacker than black?" ▲

Man Bites Dog. Now there's a sardonic film for you. Gory, gruesome and made on the world's smallest budget, this clockwork-orange-esque ultraviolent shockumentary is also hilarious, which is painful to sensitive audience members such as myself. Truth is, I'm not big on the violence genre. I don't like rape scenes and murders, so I am not disposed to like this film. I am a delicate and gentle viewer. Which makes me the perfect victim for this particular filmic joke. You see, this film makes fun of the viewer for doing exactly what they are supposed to do: view. Lemme explain. It's a visual thumbscrew. The relentless escapades of the film's main character, a fictitious mass-murderer, are interspersed with heart-warming home videos of the many meaningful relationships in his life. You quickly learn, along with the camera crew (played by the writers/film crew), that if you wish to enjoy this sparkling and dynamic performer you must prepare yourself to watch him kill anyone else who enters the screen. And you can be sure that if he is being nice to a little boy in one scene he will be murdering an old lady in the next. This kind of compromise as a viewer is devastating. And at the same time fascinating. The writers further cut the distance between subject and audience by playing themselves playing themselves in this controversial slam on the documentary form and on media in general. We are the camera crew, and the proximity is, at times, overwhelming.

The Belgians in question are Rémy Belvaux, André Bonzel, and Benoît Poelvoorde (who plays the truly inspired philosopher/killer Ben).

Favorite Moment: Camera and microphone get separated.

After Life

2004-06-10T14:09:00.000-05:00

"What moment would you choose?" ▲ ♪

This film intrigued me. The documentary style works amazingly well with the supernatural premise, making the idea of a transitory stage to the hereafter seem not only possible, but inevitable.

The premise: several people run and operate a halfway station where the newly dead choose one memory to take into eternity. These memories are meticulously recreated on film by the staff. The deceased then inhabit this memory for eternity. The characters are beautifully understated and the film itself a sweet portrait of human nature and the choices we make.

Runs about 118 minutes. Watch it and tell me what you think.

Favorite Moments: New arrivals, discovering who the workers really were, Kiyo picking flowers.

La Grande Illusion

2004-06-10T12:39:00.000-05:00

“A gentlemanly prison-break.” ▲

Jean Renoir, son of painter Pierre Auguste Renoir, directed this film in 1937. Set during WWI, British officers attempt a prison-break from a German POW camp. One of the most fascinating looks at social stratification I have seen. There is only one inducement strong enough to make you want to watch this film. And here it is: BEHOLD!

Now you have to watch it...

Favorite Moments: Dining with the enemy, clipping the geranium, farm wife.

Alphaville

2004-06-09T13:57:00.000-05:00

"I cannot tell a lie..." ▼ №¢

I will make a confession here: I didn't really watch this movie. I realize it is a bit unfair to review a film without actually watching it, so, since I am not going to watch this movie any time soon, I will just say that I couldn't follow it and it bored me. Draw your own conclusions.

Jean-Luc Godard's weird new age futuristic film stars Eddie Constantine as Lemmy Caution.

Favorite Moment: Giving up on the film to do something else.

The Honeymoon Killers

2004-06-09T13:34:00.000-05:00

"I didn't kill her! You must've done it." ▲

The first thing I thought when I saw this movie was, "The acting sucks." Which is true. It does. But for some reason, it's still a good movie. It works somehow to have the obese, but beautiful Shirley Stoler shouting her lines like a trailer-trash prima donna. Somehow the amateurish nature of the acting makes it more believable.
Based on a true story, Honeymoon Killers documents the events of the famed "Lonely Hearts" murderers on their cross-country rampage during the 40's.

Favorite Moments: I'm not sure "favorite" is the right word to use here, but this film certainly stands out in the memory.

Indian in the Cupboard

2004-06-09T13:27:00.000-05:00

"You must be this tall to enter." ▼ №¢

This is a bad film. It is meant to be a magical children's story, but if you are a good parent you won't make your children watch this movie. Make them read the book instead.

A boy gets a cupboard and a key for his birthday which turns toy men into real miniature people. He screws around with an Indian for several days before returning him to his plasticine state. I know the premise sounds good, but the delivery sucks.

Favorite Moments: Staring out the window at some bugs while the movie rolled on.

Taste of Cherry

2004-06-09T10:44:00.000-05:00

"How can I say this?" ▲ ♪

Take a deep breath.
Exhale on "Ahh!"
Now repeat after me: "Pure Movie Magic!"

Iranian film director Abbas Kiarostami (one of the most fascinating directors I've ever heard on the subject of film) tells an almost innocuous tale of a middle aged man in Iran...

A simple, poetic, enigmatic film. Cinema at its finest. I highly recommend it.

Favorite Moments: Opening sequence, and everything thereafter.

Written on the Wind

2004-06-09T10:16:00.000-05:00

"Hold me, Mitch, hold me!" ▲

If you want to know where the modern American soap opera began look no further than Douglas Sirk. He didn't just broaden the genre, he antagonized it as well. The plot for Written on the Wind is standard soap stuff; he loves her, but she doesn't love him and the other girl lies to get him to hate her, etc. What is just below the surface of this melodrama, however, and the reason I believe it's in The Criterion Collection, is that it is satire. Sirk, German born director that he is, creates a genre while destroying it. This is apparently something fun for very clever artists to do. Tell everyone how cool something is while you make fun of it so people don't know whether they are celebrating the thing itself or the mockery of the thing. It gets very confusing. Warhol would've appreciated this. At any rate. You should draw your own conclusions by watching it for yourself. Just remember that 'Sirk' rhymes with 'smirk.'

Favorite Moments: Marylee's swagger, Kyle's driving, Mitch's abstinence (I mean, this is Rock Hudson we're talking about).

Autumn Sonata

2004-06-08T13:53:00.000-05:00

"Mommy Dearest for Swedes." ▼

Ingrid Bergman stars in Ingmar Bergman's (they are not related) drama of a mother and daughter meeting after many years. The kind of slow, twisting yearning Bergman (him) is capable of producing is remarkable. No wonder Swedes love him so much. Bergman (her) plays the mother, locked in her own world of fame and lonliness, which as the commentator points out, isn't quite fair of Bergman (him) to do to her since it looks like he's criticizing her lifelong elegance and pristine beauty in film. Truthfully, Bergman (her) shed that image many times after she ran off to marry Italian film director Roberto Rossellini. But Bergman (him) seemed to take delight in making her play it "straight" and looking as unlovely as Bergman (her) possibly can. Which isn't much.

Favorite Moments: The piano lesson, the crippled daughter.

Lagaan

2004-06-08T10:23:00.000-05:00

"Why cricket is still popular in India." ▲ ♪

If you like opressive rulers being routed by a ragtag village of farmers in a cricket match set in 1893 then you should watch this film. If you like Bollywood in all its glory then you should watch this film. If you like Aamir Khan then you should watch this film. And lastly, if you haven't yet watched this film then you should definitely watch this film.

Only 225 minutes long.

Favorite Moments: Rain dance, accepting the untouchable, the match.

Amarcord

2004-06-08T10:04:00.000-05:00

"Ah youth!" ▲

Fellini recreates his youth in Fascist Italy in this film. But in typical Fellini fashion he plays games with the characters and with us. This is one of Fellini's most beloved works.

Didn't hate it. Didn't love it. It's a good film. Rent it if you want to.

Favorite Moment: 7 foot snow drifts, narrator.

Like Water for Chocolate

2004-06-08T08:55:00.000-05:00

"Like watery chocolate." ▼

Mythically complex story of a daughter's forbidden love and rebellion against her mother. I vaguely remember this movie from my school days (we never actually saw it, but it was on the schedule for our Spanish class). What I don't understand is why they would let 16 year olds watch it. It's a bit racy for teenagers. It's also patchy as a story. There is a disconnectedness that feels jumpy. The full story is probably more clearly told in the book by Laura Esquivel. 105 minutes long.

Favorite Moments: When she tells off her lover for not kidnapping her.

Hiroshima Mon Amour

2004-06-07T15:24:00.000-05:00

"Blahbety, blahbety, blah, mon amour." ▼ №¢

I'm supposed to recommend this movie because of its cultural significance and the effect it had on post-WWII France etc, etc, but I really don't give a damn and to tell the truth it's a little too much tortured philisophical French New Wave for one film. The poor Japanese lead was chosen only for his build, it seems. His poor handling of the French language is horribly apparent as he apes his lines in the bedroom to his beautiful and infuriatingly French co-star.

Favorite Moments: Opening scene, facts about the bombing of Hiroshima.

Devdas

2004-06-07T14:22:00.000-05:00

"What? No Happy Ending?" ▲

This may be the most internationally acclaimed Indian film of recent times, but I hesitate to laud what the West thinks is good Bollywood. The stars of Devdas were invited to The Cannes Film Festival in 2002. This wouldn't be so amazing if it weren't for the fact that no commercial Indian film has ever been invited to Cannes. Why did Devdas get chosen for this dubious honor? My theory: because it doesn't have a happy ending. (This may be a first for Bollywood, I don't know.) Regardless, the film was shown in the "not in the competition" division. This version of the story is the third or fourth remake of a novel by a sappy Indian teenager.

184 minutes short, stars the impossibly beautiful Ashwarya Rai, the ubiquitous Shahrukh Khan and the equally ubiquitous and vastly talented Madhuri Dixit (See my review of Dil to Pagal Hai). You might as well familiarize yourself with these three actors. You'll be seeing them again and again.

Costumery and dance in this film are dazzling and decadent. Here, take a peek.

Favorite Moments: Paro's mother issuing a curse, Chandramuhki and Paro dance, the saris. Yum.

Under the Roofs of Paris

2004-06-07T13:45:00.000-05:00

"A French talkie." ▼

Here's another one of those movies that The Criterion Collection calls "laugh out loud" that isn't all that funny. It isn't all that bad either, it just isn't all that anything. René Clair's 1930 love story takes place in the tenements of Paris as a street singer and a gangster vie for a young woman's affections blah, blah, blah... I'm just quoting the Criterion synopsis now, so I'll stop.

Favorite Moments: Nothing stands out.

Heart of Glass

2004-06-07T13:22:00.000-05:00

"Only watch under hypnosis." ▼ №¢

I love Werner Herzog. He sucked us all into the madness of Aguirre, he pulled us up Fitzcarraldo's mountain, he exposed to us Dieter's need to fly. He took strange and unequaled leaps in cinematic history that left his audience awed and inspired.

This film does not constitute one of those leaps. Well, it leaps alright, but I don't think it quite lands, if you know what I mean. Herzog put the entire cast (except the prophet) under hypnosis before they were put on film. This is an interesting factoid, no doubt, and typical of the kind of lengths Herzog would go to in attempting a new cinematic vision, but in fact it makes for lame storytelling. Don't watch this film unless you are a member of the Herzog Historical Institute. It is a tiresome and garbled film that makes no sense whatsoever. (And now I just know someone's going to watch it and tell me it's their favorite movie ever.)

Favorite Moments: Two men drinking beer and quietly threatening each other's lives.

Wages of Fear

2004-06-07T13:01:00.000-05:00

"How intense was it?" ▲ ♪

From now on, I will refer to very intense moments in my life as "wages-of-fear intense." Meaning, they are so intense as to cause one to stop breathing and/or pace the room attempting vainly to alleviate the intensity. This is different from horror. Horror is creepy. This film is intense. Beautifully so.
Henri-Georges Clouzot should get a pat on the back for making this wonderful movie. Four men take on a suicide drive across a rugged landscape in trucks loaded with demonic amounts of nitroglycerine. Some of the shots, plot points and acting moments are cinematic gorgiosity.

Favorite Moments: Many, many moments. Just watch the film.

Nights of Cabiria

2004-06-07T08:12:00.000-05:00

"What is it with hookers?" ▲

I'll be honest; I wasn't crazy about this movie. The "hooker with a heart of gold" theme, to me, is tiresome and overdone. There must be something there that I'm not seeing. But, having said that, Frederico Fellini films beg watching. They pull you in. Giuletta Masina (Fellini's wife) stars in this early film which won him a second Oscar (Best Foreign Film) and her a Cannes Award (Best Actress).

When this film gets reviewed, a lot of words like "naivete" and "waiflike" get bandied about. And even though these words do describe the lead character, they are also somewhat misleading. All hookers with a heart of gold are naive (in the sense that they are trusting enough to really fall in love with someone). Dolly Parton's hooker was naive, but in control. Julia Roberts' hooker was naive, but also elegant and bizarrely fortunate. Giuletta Masina's hooker is none of these things. And this is what I found fascinating. She teeters on the edge of extinction. Unlike Parton and Roberts, there's nothing glamerous about her life. She swaggers like a miniature, W.C. Fields, but her swagger is a front. She's quite vulnerable. Quite fragile. And the film refuses to protect her. She proves she is capable of love, but incapable of protecting herself from the world she lives in. She's the anti-hooker.

Fellini once said that Cabiria was the only character he still worries about. And you understand why when you watch this film.

Favorite Moments: Cabiria at the beginning, Cabiria at the end.

(A Word To Our Readers)

2004-06-04T09:40:00.000-05:00

Some have expressed concern over the preponderance of unknown film titles in this collection of film reviews. Please, DO NOT BE ALARMED. These films are supposed to be unknown to the masses. They are the "fine wines" of the film world. To watch them is to be initiated into the snobbish culture of film-buffs known as Truffaut troglodytes, Kurosawa connoisseurs, and Buñuel bourgeoisie. Pinkies up in disdain toward your other, lesser film-watching friends - the great unwatched, as it were. So, please don't feel bad that you have never heard of or watched any of these films. At least you can read about them here and then make knowing small talk with real filmophiles. Besides, viewing them is as easy as calling your local library or getting a Netflix account (product placement). But in the interest of time, I will here devise a rating system for the films I personally have viewed. I do not promise you will like the films I like nor that you will hate the films I hate. That would be asking too much. Instead, you may draw your own conclusions from my rating system and apply it to your film watching as you see fit.

Here, for your edification, is my overly-labored and complex rating system.

Rating System
I recommend it: ▲
I don't recommend it: ▼
It made me happy: ♪
It made no sense: №¢

Lola: BRD

2004-06-03T15:08:00.000-05:00

"Most Creative Use of Lighting." ▲

Rainer Werner Fassbinder: one of those directors that all other directors envy. He formed a tight-knit community eager to do his bidding, worked on a shoe-string budget, could play any role in the filming process, and even edited his films as he shot, cutting the entire process down to an astounding four weeks. In his fourteen years as a director he directed more than 40 films, and participated in dozens of others. His breakneck speed through filmmaking left a wake in the film world that has yet to settle. I highly recommend his films (while simultaneously admitting that they are usually offensive. that's just the way he liked it, too.). The BRD Trilogy in particular covers a period of German history that you won't see in almost any other medium; the post WWII years.

Lola is a prostitute in 1957 Germany. Petty politics and personal ambition fuel the plot which I won't bother revealing. The lighting is fantastic! Orgasmic. Overwhelming. Nobody has used light this way before or since. It's worth the trip just to see the lights. It's like a Christmas tree decorated with prostitutes and petty government officials. You'll love it! Criterion has crammed the disc with commentaries, and interviews with Barbara Sukowa and the screenwriter.

Favorite Moments: Conversations in the men's room, song in church, a new suit, lighting throughout.

Wild Strawberries

2004-06-03T14:49:00.000-05:00

"Old Man On The Lawn." ▼ №¢

Bergman is no doubt dealing with some personal demons in this film which is 91 minutes long (45 on fast-forward). It's too bad the rest of us had to watch it. His tale of a professor on the brink of death, reviewing the memories of his life and seeking resolution, follows well-marked paths in film history. But lack of story structure fails to keep us trailing after our senile main character. I have no doubts that a filmophile somewhere out there knows Bergman's back story in reference to this film, but I don't. One of Bergman's early works, it was somewhat responsible for his rise to fame.

Favorite Moments: Can't think of any.

M

2004-06-03T13:21:00.000-05:00

"...is for Murder." ▲ ♪

Fritz Lang, Austrian director and writer, launched Peter Lorre's questionable career in this film with the role of the whistling pedophile, Franz Beckert, considered one of the finest performances ever captured on film. What gets me is that Lang's first film in sound should be so audio-savvy. Lang fled Germany in 1933 when Goebbels banned one of his films and simultaneously offered him a top spot at UFA (propoganda machine of the Nazi party). On a side note, Lorre also left Germany in 1933. It was a good time to leave, apparently.

Favorite Moments: Introduction of a killer, Franz in the attics, kangaroo courtroom.

Hard Boiled

2004-06-03T09:53:00.000-05:00

"Hot-Handed God of Cops." ▲

Lashou Shentan is translated literally as "hot-handed god of cops" from the cantonese. And with a name like that, you know this film has to be really dorky. But fortunately, this is John Woo we're talking about and he doesn't really do dorky. No, no, he does cool and amazing and awesome.
This was the film that launched him solidly into international stardom. After which, he moved to Hollywood and directed the likes of Nicholas Cage in Windtalkers and Face Off. Chow-Yun Fat stars as Tequila, the hot-handed god of cops.

Favorite Moments: Papered car, baby puts out fire.

The Cranes Are Flying

2004-06-02T14:39:00.000-05:00

"What filmmaking should be." ▲ ♪

It's films like this one that make this fool's errand of mine worth while. I mean, no one's paying me to watch two and three films a night. I do it for the sake of this unreachable goal of mine. It's like a pig climbing up a coal chute, me attempting to view a collection of films that gets bigger every day. But then there are nights when I sit down, put in another Russian film, ready to hit the fast-forward button and instead, I'm paralyzed by the beauty on the screen. Every frame, every shot, every scene. This is what filmmaking is... or should be. Mikhail Kalatozov tells a heartbreaking and yet beautiful story set during WWII.

Favorite Moments: Beginning, middle, end.

The Magic Flute

2004-06-02T09:49:00.000-05:00

"Why Mozart?" ▼ №¢

What is it about Ingmar Bergman that has The Criterion Collection people so giddy with delight? Not only do they carry eleven of his films, they also chose films which are boring as hell. I do not deny the power of Winter Light or the beauty of The Silence, but when they foist a theater adaptation of The Magic Flute down our throats I have to wonder who's paying them to do this. Aparently, this was the first and only attempt at operatic film, and while I am pleased for Bergman that he chose to do this project, I really didn't want to watch it. And it's difficult to watch an opera on fast-forward, because the only good thing is the music.

Favorite Moments: Overture sequence, fade to orange, Popagano and Popagana's song.

At War with the Army

2004-06-02T09:39:00.000-05:00

"Beautiful Beans!" ♪ №¢

Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin's first major picture together as a team. They had supporting roles in two earlier films which convinced execs to give them their own place in the sun. Made in 1950, At War mostly makes jokes about army politics and women troubles. I hate to be ungenerous, but compared to later work, this film is tiresome. The only appreciable moment (by this film critic's standards) was the "Bean" song by Jerry Lewis. You must watch and memorize this song. The beauty of it will haunt you for the rest of your life! As will the sight of Jerry Lewis in drag...

Favorite Moments: The bean song.

Munna Bhai, MBBS

2004-06-02T09:16:00.000-05:00

"Med School for Mobsters." ▲ ♪

Munna Bhai, MBBS makes me laugh. I first watched this Bollywood comedy at a friend's house; an Indian friend in med school whose parents are both doctors (MBBS is the Indian equivalent of MD). Despite the subtitles and the stiff dancing of muscle-bound Sanjay Dutt, the film is charming. In it, a mobster attempts to regain his father's honor by becoming a doctor instead of an underworld don. His attempts are unsuccessful. But he finds he can still be honorable, falls in love with a beautiful doctor and everybody loves him yadda yadda yadda happy ending.

*sniff* I love Bollywood.

Favorite Moments: Constructing the clinic, Magic Hug, Anand's shave, Circuit.

Ran

2004-06-02T08:45:00.000-05:00

"Shakespeare in Japan" ▲

Based on Shakespeare's King Lear, Ran (which means "chaos") chronicles the fall of a ruling Japanese family in the Tokagawa period. It was released in 1985. The last seven films of Kurosawa's life (including this one) came with difficulty. Funding was low and mounting a full-scale feature was not offered on a silver plate as it had been in Kurosawa's heyday. This, perhaps, makes the story of a dethroned monarch seem that much more poignant. The beauty of the million dollar burning set is not lost on those who can imagine the courage needed to construct such a set and then burn it down in one take (not to mention tha pressure on the lead actor to get the scene right!). The three sons and their armies are cleverly color-coded throughout the film for easy identification. The battle sequences in this film are among some of Kurosawa's finest. What that man couldn't do with an army of extras isn't worth talking about. 160 minutes of film genius.

Favorite Moments: Overthrow of the third castle, Lady Kaede's interview with Jiro.

The Last Wave

2004-06-01T13:44:00.000-05:00

"Peter Weir is just Peter Weird without a 'd'." ▲

I like Peter Weir. He makes kooky movies, like Picnic at Hanging Rock and Master and Commander. His films are intentionally broody and submersed in whatever minute emotion Weir is investigating at the time. His concentrated focus surrounds his characters, locking them under our gaze for the duration of the film (take The Truman Show, for instance, where this happens quite literally).
In The Last Wave, Richard Chamberlain plays a lawyer submerged somewhat unwillingly into the world of tribal aborigines. The film plays like a long, hallucinatory dream, at once suspensful and hypnotizing. David Gulpilil, who haunts almost every internationally acclaimed Australian film, stars as Chris Lee.

Favorite Moments: Chris' appearance in the dream, water on the stairs, floating tomatoes.

The Night Porter

2004-06-01T09:43:00.000-05:00

"Nazi's make good lovers." ▼

I'm not sure if Liliana Cavani was trying to say that sleeping with your captors helps you escape prison camp or if she was trying to say that Nazism was a form of S&M, but whatever the message, this film is one tit shy of a porno. I found this review helpful. You can read it.

Best Bits: Gabriele Ferzetti's near-naked dance to a shower room full of starched, fully-clothed, cockroach-black, SS guards.

The Horse's Mouth

2004-06-01T08:54:00.000-05:00

"Alec Guinness is not a beer." ▲ ♪

That's right. He's a British actor. A very good British actor who is well-known for comedic parts. Lots of them. My favorite film of his is Kind Hearts and Coronets in which he plays no less than eight characters.

But in this film he plays just one: Gulley Jimson - wizened, crotchety, spirited artist (everything I hope to be myself someday). Without breaking a sweat, Sir Guinness merges with Jimson, cramming the screen for 95 minutes with vivacious dialogue (which he wrote himself) and delightful rapaciousness. Some scallywags make such good theater. I watched this film twice in one evening. It was that good. I'm pretty sure at this point that I am also going to read the book by the same name written by Joyce Cary.

Favorite Moments: Jimson's voice, his regal appearance in a bed spread, visit to Sal's, Nosey finds a wall, millionaires falling through the rug on the hole in the floor, Jimson passing a Naval vessel.

Lord of the Flies

2004-05-28T14:55:00.000-05:00

"Why, it's just like preparatory school!" ▲

A 1963 B/W adaptation of William Golding's dark novel. It's as good as the book. In my opinion. Of course I never read the book. So actually I couldn't say. But I bet it is.

Favorite Moments: The choirboys marching, Simon finding the paratrooper, the sailors' arrival.

Coup de Torchon

2004-05-28T14:40:00.000-05:00

"Uh... is the answer, "yes?" №¢

Well, well, well. Bertrand Tavernier's strange flick about a french sheriff of a small West African town beats the band. What you'll notice first when you pop this one in is the highly intense intro score which covers a scene which is anything but intense. I mean, it's almost ridiculous, just like the main character as he bumbles through his life. He stops looking ridiculous after he's killed a few people in cold blood. A bizarre and eerie tale. Psychologically disconnected. I still don't know what I think of it...

Favorite Moment: The pimp in the outhouse.

Stray Dog: Kerberos Panzer Cops

2004-05-28T14:30:00.000-05:00

"How I watched the wrong movie." ▼ №¢

This is a really funny story: I went to get Kurosawa's Stray Dog to watch it and instead picked up another Japanese film by the same name. Oops. And it sucked. But I watched it anyway, so I'm gonna write about it.

Stray Dog begins with black and white pictures of cute little puppies with acoustic guitar music. Then we cut to color shots of Japanese Robocops in a dungeon hideout. They are running from the law. Then one of them leaves in a heli and a younger one sees him go and cries out and then the gates open and the law shows up to deport/kill everybody. And then I lost contact with the story. I watched most of it on fast-forward. It made no sense. The end. Thank you for your time.

Favorite Moment: Realizing this wasn't the film I wanted to watch.

Bombay Talkie

2004-05-28T14:20:00.000-05:00

Or "Why The British Should Never Be Allowed Near Bollywood." ▼

Ugh. I didn't know Merchant Ivory films could be that bad. It was made in the seventies. Perhaps that explains it.

I don't know what to say about this movie. Everything starting getting hazy for me the minute I saw Helen dancing on a gigantic red typewriter (which the directors thought was a beautiful allegory for life and I thought looked dumb as hell).

I got this movie in the hopes that I could learn something about Bollywood film in the sixties and seventies. I was so wrong.

Favorite Moments: Opening credits, guru playing ping-pong.

Playtime

2004-05-28T09:22:00.000-05:00

"The funniest Frenchman since Jerry Lewis." ▲ ♪

If there's one thing the French don't do well it's comedy. No, no. They're good at making baguettes, philosophizing and smoking, but slapstick is not exactly up their cul de sac. So it was a great delight to watch Jacques Tati's Playtime. You remember Peter Seller's movie The Party where he plays a little Indian guy misinvited to a Hollywood soirée where the head waiter gets increasingly drunk as the evening progresses? Well, this is like that, except (dare I say it) funnier. "What? The French funnier than Peter Sellers?" I hear you say. But yes, it's true. The timing, the impecable flow, the comedic layers all smooth as a crème brûlée. Jacques Tati's third Mr Hulot film reveals a sidestepping on Tati's part away from his main character. In fact, in this film there are numerous pseudo-Hulots, making the screen seem at times like a Where's Waldo page. The film has three parts: a satirical view of modernization in Paris, a night club at its hilarious grand opening, and a coda. If you are looking for linear plot, you should rent The Matrix. This doesn't have it. What this does have is a mind-blowingly expensive set (for that time anyways. the entire inner-city was a constructed set.) and some of the most refreshing comedy I've seen in a long time. Included in the Criterion's version is a short film entitled Evening Classes.

Favorite Moments: Hulot getting in an elevator by mistake, the gentle ribbing of American tourists (notice, I say "gentle," because this is another thing the French are not good at), the doorman opening and closing the doorknob after the glass door breaks, the head waiter's coat tails.

Big Deal on Madonna Street

2004-05-27T15:11:00.000-05:00

"I thought I just watched this movie..." ▲ ♪

Ever seen Welcome To Collinwood? Then you've seen Big Deal On Madonna Street... for the most part. Welcome To Collinwood is an eerie facsimile of its predecessor from characters and costumes to sets and direction. Almost no detail goes uncopied by the Russo brothers (Oh, and Joe and I used to go to school together. I kid you not.). Anyways, we're not talking about the Russo brothers, we're talking about Mario Monicelli. (Only Italians can grow up with a name like that and not get hassled about it.) This may be one of three films in the Criterion Collection that is actually funny in the way that I think film should be funny. I mean, when The Criterion Collection calls Down By Law "laugh out loud" I have to raise my eyebrows a bit. Have you seen that film? It's not funny (except for Roberto Benigni, but he's always funny). Anyways, we're not talking about Jim Jarmusch, we're talking about Mario. Or rather about the broken sense of humor in the selection committee at The Criterion Collection.
This film is funny.

Favorite Moments: The fake arm gag (that never gets old), Mario throwing the knife into the door, the wall of bottles Tiberio falls on, Cosimo getting run over, Peppe ransacking the kitchen they just broke into.

Dil to Pagal Hai

2004-05-27T14:44:00.000-05:00

"Where the hell is that breeze coming from?" ♪ №¢

If you don't know Bollywood you should be ashamed of yourself. Just because The Criterion Collection is too proud to house any of their films doesn't mean you can't watch one. This one is... well, long. But they're all long damnit. According to one website, Dil To Pagal Hai is "a grand musical about passionate people with dreams." See? Isn't that great? Well, look, if you don't like schmaltzy happy people you won't like it, but I do, in fact, like happy people with dreams. And if you don't, you may just need to reassess your life and rearrange your priorities so that long, happy musicals with love triangles, dances in the rain, and ubiquitous wind-effects can finally reach the top of your list. Where it belongs!

Stars (from left to right) Madhuri Dixit, Shahrukh Khan, and Karisma Kapoor.

Favorite Moments: Rain dance with children, the damn wind that's absolutely everywhere!

The Vanishing

2004-05-27T14:34:00.000-05:00

"It's how creepy is done!" ▲

Ok, every woman's nightmare in 106 minutes. George Sluizer's trilingual creep-fest was enjoyed by yours truly on fast-forward... for the most part. I don't do horror. So when I watch it, I watch it sound down or fast-forward. There's just some things I don't need, like remembering that truly creepy beard on Bernard-Pierre Donnadieu. *shudder* Anyways, it was subtle, but not slow. Agonizing, but not overwhelming. Full-bodied with a little cherry at the end... whatever.

Favorite Moments: The French countryside.

Mona Lisa

2004-05-27T08:25:00.000-05:00

"Why I love Bob Hoskins" ▲

One of the most unabashedly sentimental films I have ever seen, this film is scored almost entirely with Nat King Cole classics and Opera and set in the London prostitution world. It is NOT sentimental about prostitution, however. In fact its unflinching look at child exploitation is to its credit. Rather, the character Bob Hoskins plays, George, drips with sentimentality and romantic ideal. He warms to the call girl he is assigned to drive around town and comes to view her as a saint disguised as a whore. What's truly fascinating to me is that the director Neil Jordan originally envisioned Sean Connery in the role of George. I cannot imagine that. Smirking and lisping and raising his eyebrows as he smacks his greasy lips. The horror. But, let's face it, I am a Bob Hoskins admirer and Sean Connery can go to hell.

Favorite Moments: George really looking at Simone for the first time. Clothes shopping. George beating the shit out of the pimps.

Ordet

2004-05-27T08:02:00.000-05:00

"Like It, Or Else!" ▼

I was advised to... nay; ordered to like this film by the insert notes. Told in no uncertain terms that only a fool would dislike this movie, I began to dislike it immediately. Then I watched it. It left me cold. One man's treasure is another fool's trash apparently. I didn't care much one way or another. It hadn't taken me to new heights or shown me something I didn't realize or revealed a fragmented glimpse of the true world around me, it just was. To be honest, the only Th. Dreyer film I actually like liked was The Passion of Joan of Arc (also in the Criterion Collection). So, enough. There it is. Ordet means "Word" by the way and the film is riddled and punctuated with religious sentiment.

Favorite Moment: Little girl believing her uncle was Jesus.

Red Beard

2004-05-26T15:23:00.000-05:00

"He's a doctor, not a pirate." ▲

Mifune's last picture for Kurosawa (Kurosawa's 23rd film) is genius. I can only throw my praise onto the pile of universal acclaim for Kurosawa by saying that I have never fast-forwarded any film of his. Which at this point, is pretty amazing. Black and white, 185 minutes and about as philosophical as Kurosawa ever got. The commentary consisted of one man repeating in an awed voice, "... here we see how Kurosawa's signature telephoto lens flattens out the scene and stacks the characters one on top of the other." The commentary also talks at great length about Kurosawa's admiration for two men; his older brother Heigo and Dostoevsky. There's only one fight in this film (unless you count the struggle betwwen the young doctor and the Mantis) between Red Beard and the brothel guards, but it's fairly graphic.

Favorite Moments: Red beard tugging his beard to one side. Otoyo begging on the bridge. Chobo's fairwell speach. The cooks calling into the well.

INTRODUCTION

2004-05-26T14:55:00.000-05:00

OK, this should be fairly sloppy at first so buckle down. In the last eight months I have watched 200 some films. This is partly because I have no life and partly because I'm just so damn curious about everything. My true goal is to watch the entire Criterion Collection which I would have done by now if the bastards weren't adding films every other day. Just when I think I'm getting somewhere they've dug up yet another Ingmar Bergman film from the Swedish psyche and popped it on their website with enticing tidbits. Despite this, I am halfway to my goal (right now) and I thought I should take some time to condense my greedily assembled knowledge on the web for the benefit of fellow film troglodytes or just the odd browser-by. (You know who you are.)